Soliloki

Prosaic soliloquies performed by a quixotic person

Archive for the ‘LOL’ Category

Smiley Baby

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[Video: This is Yerin, when she was a six-month old baby.]

Can anything get anymore cuter than this? 🙂

Written by SZA

21 April 2012 at 7:37 AM

Posted in LOL, Love, YouTube

Bad Dogs!

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[Photo: Going around, and around, and around in the round.]

A strange thing happened today that left me severely traumatized for life.

I was driving through a commercial area in the northern part of the city, when I saw a pair of dogs standing rear-end-to-rear-end, motionless, in front of a coffee shop. Suddenly, my memory flashed back to the time when I, as a kid, witnessed a couple of dogs running awkwardly because their tails were tied together by some mean bullies. Immediately after the flashback, I returned to the present moment. At first, my mind was in a jumble. I pitied the dogs, and wanted to help, but I didn’t know how. I mean, what if they bit my head off? I didn’t care much about getting dirty if I touched them (dogs are considered impure in Islam), because I knew I could always clean myself afterwards. I only worried that I could get hurt.

Because I wasn’t exactly sure what happened to those dogs, I drove around the blocks again to see how they got ‘stuck together’. As I passed them for the second time, I didn’t see any tails being tied together into a knot or anything like that. Then I thought, ‘Well, OK, they seem to be fine.’ However, I still had this nagging feeling. And so, I drove around the blocks for the third time, and I got a good look (or so I thought) at them. As I passed the dogs, a terrible thought crossed my mind: the dogs’ pee-pees were tied together by some maniac psychopath. I was freaking out. And decided to make the fourth round around the blocks to see if my assumption was true. (Why I didn’t just stop the car, and take a proper look at them, instead of going around the block several times, I don’t know.)

Anyway, this time, the two dogs finally got separated. (O PRAISE BE TO GOD!) However, I saw something hanging from the belly of one of the dogs. Immediately, I thought it was his intestine hanging out. I’d never been more freaked out in my life. Seemed like, my relief was short-lived. Then, it occured to me, ‘If that is his intestine, why is there no blood? Oh…my…Lord. Is that…his…pee-pee?!’ Then I took a look at the other dog, and apparently, it was actually female. So, that means, they were mating when I saw them got stuck together!

WHAT THE HEY?!

I mean, there I was in the car, thinking they were hurt. And how was I supposed to know dogs could actually mate in THAT position? Even the animals shown on National Geographic and Discovery Channel never do that. And imagine if I’d made a huge ruckus about it, and called the Fire Department, the Rescue 991 team, and everyone in the area to help me ‘save’ the dogs. It would have been VERY MORTIFYING. Oh, Lord.

Oh, well. At least, they weren’t really hurt.

But still…bad, bad dogs.

Written by SZA

18 April 2012 at 12:04 AM

Posted in Happening, LOL

Tagged with , , ,

My New Roommate

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I’m cohabitating.

Now, now. Before you start clicking your tongues in disapproval, do read further. There’s a HUGE GREEN GRASSHOPPER in my room. It’s been here for two days now, and I’ve no idea how to get it out. My options are but a few:

  1. Get a spray bottle, and squirt the insect with water;
  2. Build a homemade insect trap: an empty peanut butter jar;
  3. Find a flyswatter, and smack the insect real good.

While the above options seem doable, I don’t think I’ve the heart to do any of those and hurt the grasshopper. (Go figure, I’m the person who spends hours in the bathroom because I need to rescue a trail of poor little ants on the wet bathroom walls/floor.) Even now, I worry that it hasn’t eaten for two days. The poor insect must be really hungry, I suppose. I do feel a tad frustrated, though. I mean, flappy insects freak me out, big time. Once in awhile, I do get some ‘unwanted visitors’ (e.g. massive lizards, baby scorpions, hornets, etc.) in my room, since my bedroom’s at the back of the house, and there’s a big, crazy jungle behind our backyard. I get scared when I see those visitors, but not as much as when I see the flappy ones. I wish I could just close my windows permanently, but it can get really stuffy in room without good ventilation.

Now, where was I? Ah, yes, the grasshopper. Well, now it’s somewhere in my room (my guess is behind the wardrobe), and hopefully it won’t EVER pull a crazy stunt like, flying towards me in all its glory, or entering the nostrils to build a nest in the brain, God forbid. I just really hope, it won’t ever be within close proximity of any of my body parts. Because, God help me, I don’t know what I’ll do if it is.

Written by SZA

21 March 2012 at 10:18 PM

Posted in Happening, LOL

Tagged with , , ,

Bad Poster Girl?

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Egad! I’d a mini heart attack after class last night. And got a wee bit taste of fame, for like, two seconds--didn’t like it one bit.

Campus Security Guard: Hey, I know you! Your photos are plastered all over the boys’ hostel, you know.  I’ve seen the photos.

Me: WHAT? WHAT PHOTOS?

Campus Security Guard: Photos on some promotional posters about the Uni.

Me: Oh.

And there I thought that I, unbeknownst to me, had pulled a Weiner at the campus. I swear, I almost aged a hundred years in that moment.

Ah, life as a small-time (albeit reluctant) celeb.

Written by SZA

9 March 2012 at 7:49 AM

Posted in LOL, School

Tagged with , , ,

Une Enveloppe

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There’s a mom-and-pop grocery shop that I used to go to all the time back when I was in primary school. The school kids didn’t know what the name of the shop was so we simply called it Kedei Luar (which literally means ‘Outside Shop’ because it is outside of the primary school). Recently, I got to go there again after so many years, just to purchase an envelope since it was the only shop I could think of to go to at Green Road. Ah, what a reminiscent trip to the shop it was. Everything is pretty much the same like before, as well as the smell. Even Uncle (the shop owner) still owns the same royal blue Bermuda shorts and frayed singlet. Imagine that.

Me: LaoBan, you mei you mai envelope?
(Boss, do you sell envelopes?)

LaoBan: Ha? ‘Enwilop’? Shen me dong xi?
(Huh? ‘Enwilop’? What’s that?)

Me: Envelope. Sampul surat.

LaoBan: Oh, na ge ha? *points to a table laden with overripe/rotten mangoes and bananas*
(Oh, is one of those it?)

Me: Er…bu shi, wo jiang sampul surat. Sam-pul su-rat.
(Er…no, I said envelope. En-ve-lope.)

LaoBan: Oh. Tee hee.

And you, Uncle, are still the funny geezer I knew you were.

Written by SZA

24 March 2011 at 9:49 PM

Posted in Convo, LOL, School

Tagged with , , ,

LOL

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Father: What’s LOL?

Me: Laugh out loud.

Father: Wha--? Really?

Me: Yes, sir.

Father: All the while, I thought that I’d been insulted by my friends when they sent me texts with LOLs in ’em.

Me: Really? Why?

Father: ‘Cause I thought LOL was an abbreviated word for tolol.

My folks and new gen jargon; never the twain shall meet.

*Tolol = Bonehead in Malay

Written by SZA

17 August 2010 at 9:15 PM